luni, 10 februarie 2014

connie the ...peahen

connie was a peahen.
she was running down the hills of freedom,thinking  how beautiful  the life she had been living was,with her marvelous fresh-coloured tail pumpin' joy and happiness wherever she went.
rainbows flew behind her (can rainbows fly?) and squirrels were reproducing themselves more often and more passionately,at the seeing of connie...
FLABBERGASTING! connie was god and everyone prayed at her feet,thinking about the miracle..."would there have been a world,without connie's power to share joy and love everywhere?" of course not.
but connie was kinda' sad...because there were no more peacocks but her :(...how could connie be happy,if happiness is such an abstract concept,that in the most of the situations implies not being alone?
she wanted someone like her,green and slim,with coloured,golden,precious and royal feathers in his butt...
lions were happy,tigers were happy even billy the worm was happy with his wife lilly the worm(ess).
but what about our connie?
while dreaming she had this vision...where the flying spaghetti monster told her : "i am the real god who created everything,who must be worshiped and loved,over-adored and never,but never with a questioned existence or power,because....i can be a god and a food at the same time...muahahaha"
"i can be a roast "-said connie
and they argued and argued...until the pastafarian told her " i will give you that missing thing in your chicken heart...if you will run away from civilization (?)...and stop with all this happiness and joy parade,i am THE GOD! and i'm too lazy to care,so leave,connie,leave...and take what you want the most...love"

and,in that moment the flying spaghetti monster created a peacock for connie. when she woke up,the peacock was actually there. "omfg omfg,the pastafarian really exists...and he has unimaginable powers..."
....
the peacock was handsome :> :> and...she was about to leave on this island of peacocks with him...when a hunter shot them both and eat them as toasted peacocks...but,they died together,being the first victims who announced the birth of something terrifyingly evil and stupid...MAN.
END

duminică, 9 februarie 2014

krocolicious

once upon a time ,in northen europe,there was a girl,an overpaied killer.
she's been killing people since she was 12,and her favourite gun was a bazooka,hard to get,hard to carry,noisy and big,it was perfect to set the world on fire!
her name was George, but she was funny.
one winter,wait,in the imaginary land where the action takes place,winter is the only season,anyway,one day,more accurately she killed this man,a homosexual man,in fact...some believe that he was actually the secret lover of the baron St Bubblesteinhornyman,but there was no evidence, except for the letter that the baron sent to George, asking her to kill the man, but why? because of the shame,because of the feelings...no one knows.
killing
killing
killing
i kinda' like this word...
aloof from reality or space,she became sort of...bored with this cold life she was living. she had a new dream: to travel to the warm lands and eat many many ice-creams...of course,with her faithful assistent Caponino and her two dogs rexie and rexie 2.
but this could have happened only after finishing her more important mission: killing Knibe! the evil and too beautiful,perfect,white-teeth,blue eyes,perfect weight lady of the flowers (everything is with "too" when it comes to her) . and when i say flowers i mean poisonous mushrooms and fruits that wash your brain and take away your spirit...
i think she was a witch,because she had this power to conquer...hearts,thing that never happened to our northen girl.

absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.or on our way to the stone castle,Knibe's house.

-krocolicious,krocolicious in my nose,who's the most poisonous rose?
-it's you,my lady,Knibe of the seven seas. the strongest of the titans,the prettiest of the goddesses and the witchest of the witches.
-muahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaaaaha!
 a perfect day in knibe's house,stone-bones everytwhere street,number 59.

but,what Knibe never knew was that George and her army (?) were arriving...and by army i mean caponino and the dogs.
Ah,by the way,Knibe lived on an islad,so it was a long journey that implied stealing a ship,kidnapping a ship driver and eating some fish.

Once on the island,Knibe's snakes and swampy creatures tried to attack George and co,but in that moment her dogs (rexie and rexie 2) evolved like pokemons in their new forms : super-dogs and destroyed the creatures and stuff (boom boom,aaaaa,tranck panck uiuiuiuiuhuhui....pam pam)-that's the fight

Face to face with the queen of the broken souls and hearts the fight began and it took years and years and snow and sun and...some breaks to eat and have some pina collada...but it was a tough fight...and George was almost dying...i've never thought Knibe's powers were so powerful...but,George understood,with Caponino's help...this little assistent used to be a crazy scholar and have a crystal meth lab,somewhere in the Kalahary desert,that the powers came from the krocolicious .

actually a powerful drug that makes you have some strange powers and all the shit,but there is a price for everything...and Knibe had to pay with her own soul,lost somewhere in the dark. That was the drug effect and those were the consequences,she had no soul...but deep deep,in that darkness and emptiness,there was a good soul? I think we'll never find out,I don't even know it myself and i'm the writer...so...we can only suppose.

The best part was that Caponino had invented the drug and she knew how to work it out...she used the antidote,if i can call it this way,because it was just...sugar,so it wasn't like an antidote,it was more like " i need some sugar from time to time because of my diabethis".
With the dogs help,Caponino gave Knibe the sugar,actually she injected the sugar in Knibe's butt when she was looking herself in the mirror thinking that no one could stop her never ever,George being lying like a lazy worm on the cold ground...
After having the sugar injected in her body,surprisingly she started to...melt....like wet paper...she didnt die,of course...but she was reborn,now,there was no Knibe  anymore,just a beautiful child,newborn,with blue eyes,big and deep eyes,like the ocean,whose heart hides the terrifying secrets of being different and having everything and everyone at your feet,but losing yourself.

George strangled the child with  her own intestins and then she threw the little body in the ocean,where it is hunting and hunting everything that still has a soul

Everyone lived happily ever after.
END